Dear Mr David Cameron, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland,
Had we met this afternoon during your state visit to Budapest and after your meetings with Viktor Orbán (the Prime Minister of Hungary), we would have been able to show you so much of this genuinely wonderful city. Maybe a nice walk down the Danube to see the lights from the Castle and the Chain Bridge, or maybe we could have treated you to a pálinka or two in a local bar.
Instead you chose to snuggle up into bed with Orbán, most likely swapping right-wing policies just like Pokémon cards and scheming about the EU.
Mr Cameron, we definitely don't agree on many things but we could have had a great time debating why you turned a blind eye to the biblical flooding of the North of England (which also affected my family), your tripling of tuition fees after promising never to raise them and your obsessive desire to squeeze money out of hardworking families through cuts to tax credits and the bedroom tax. We don't agree on Syria, we don't agree on the economy and I'm suspicious of big business and cronyism but imagine that debate, David.
We're the couple who would always argue, but where's the fun of always getting along with each other?
Instead you're massaging your allies and turning a blind eye once again to the world. When you arrived here you certainly didn't see the freezing cold metro station full of homeless people that I did, or the alcoholics in the park or the gypsy families selling party hats for small change. You didn't see the people struggling to make a living only for their money to mean nothing when they enter the gates of the Eurozone, nor the real side of this city. I bet you've never even seen the real side of London all the way from Eton and Number 10 Downing Street.
You should stay away from that Orbán fella too, he's a terrible influence on you. Suffocating the media and dealing with shady and downright vile characters really isn't your colour.
Dave, next time you're in Budapest - call me. I have a lot of things to say to you and we need to talk.