Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Feeling down recently.

Despite the summer finally rolling into beautiful Koblenz, I've been feeling pretty weird recently, not entirely myself and just a little bit down.
I can feel myself trying to find the perfect cliche to describe what's wrong with me recently but I refuse to comply with my brain in that respect. It's all in the mind. It's what you make of it. It's my man-period and I should put down the cake and glass of red, shut up and stop whining.

I even started doing that whole Gillian McKeith 'you are what you eat' rubbish, you know, eating fruit in the morning to counter lethargy and sleepiness, drinking more water to flush all of these mystical and evil toxins out of my body, and even having a nice odd evening with friends where I get drunk and refill all of those toxins to safe levels once again, as a treat to myself. It's all a load of old useless buddhist bullshit if you ask me.

None of it worked. I still feel shitty.

There's a lot of things that I've had on my mind too:
  • I hate university, and can't wait to be finished with it. 
  • I have work due sometime in the next few weeks, and all I can think of is just going back home, throwing out my fucking ridiculous useless classes and not having to deal with it all until September.
  • I really don't want to go back home, but the novelty of living here in Koblenz has now worn off a bit, so i'm kinda in an international state of limbo.
  • The creeping thought that I ACTUALLY AM in an international state of limbo. I have no passport so I can't  get home so easily, and I don't technically belong to a country anymore..........scary thought!
  • I'm becoming incredibly self concious, I want to be more fit and healthy, and a little bit more muscly too.
  • And I'm making plans for an insane trip through the UK walking around 1200 miles from John O'Groats, Scotland to Land's End (which I've always wanted to do) but every day it's seeming less and less possible.
But today I'm saying a huge fuck you to lethargy. I'm not going to have the career I want in the future without a degree, regardless of how shitty, useless and mundane the classes are so I'm just going to have to grin and bear it for the next month or two (plus that extra final year back in Sunderland). I want to get ripped and tanned for the summer too, so i'm hitting the gym and eating enough for three, and finally I'm going to make more plans for the near future and further afield, visiting friends around Germany, and maybe even back to France on the way home.

Maybe those cliches were right. It really is all what you make of it.
Okay cliches, you win this time


  1. very, very well put my friend- i suspect more people feel like this more of the time than they're willing to admit

    1. Thank you, and I agree. It's not a great feeling to have people read this and think I'm having a really shite time abroad, because it of course has to be some magical experience where nothing bad ever happens.

  2. Gareth I love you! I work for an online booking agent and get redik discounts on accommodation! While you're going on your tour around the UK I'll book a few places on dates when I'm free! I can book rooms in Blackpool for like £12 and I'm dying for a bit of cabaret ;D Game? Xx

  3. Chin up, we all feel like this! I've felt like this a lot on this year abroad and it's not a bad thing, it teaches you things about yourself that you didn't know (i.e. you actually have feeeelinnggssss?) and that you DO love your home country more than you realised.

    The best advice I ever received (from Emma McEvoy no less!) is that when you're in an ominous state of mental ruin and you feel like everything is bearing down on you, you have to start with yourself. Eat a bit better, get a haircut, buy a new t-shirt. Then do small menial tasks like tidying your room, organising paperwork (i.e. GET YA PASSPORT SORTED) and then you can worry about the bigger things.

    It'll all pick up in a bit - not long til Alice and Lauren come to see you! xxx